Wednesday, March 26, 2008

How to install a home security system in the South

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH:

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke, and Slim,

I went for more shotgun shells. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls-- don't know what got into them, but they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait out here on the porch.

--Cooter

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